


The Monster in the Mirror

by SymphonicFantasia



Series: Thirty One Different Universes [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Punching Mirrors, Sheith Month 2017, copious amounts of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 03:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11774763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SymphonicFantasia/pseuds/SymphonicFantasia
Summary: Things had changed now and, no matter how much he tried to break the habit, Shiro still punched first with his right hand.And he hated how much he did not feel any pain from it.





	The Monster in the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> [Based off this prompt.](http://putthepromptsonpaper.tumblr.com/post/161263927476/youre-not-who-i-remember-youre-better)

Shiro hated that he was right handed.

Back before all this began — Kerberos, his abduction, his time in the Galran arena, his return to Earth, his leadership status as the head of Voltron — Shiro would take out his anger on a punching bag. He’d sneak through the Garrison until he reached the training room. He would find a punching bag and punch into it until his hands were sore.

His right hand suffered the punishment more than his left. It was his dominant hand, so Shiro was prone to swinging with it more than his left. Shiro could often be found wrapping his injured hand in the middle of class — regardless if he was taking one or if he was teaching one.

Things had changed now and, no matter how much he tried to break the habit, Shiro still punched first with his right hand.

And he hated how much he did not _feel_ any pain from it.

There was a time in a training room when Shiro did his best to relieve his anger. After not being able to feel pain for a whole hour, it only angered Shiro more. So, he continued to punch, and punch, and punch, and punch until his body grew tired. Even then, Shiro rested for only a few minutes and he was back to punching.

So, it is not a surprise when Shiro stared at himself in the mirror and thought back to the man he was before all this happened. It was not a surprise when he raised a hand to his face and turned it left and right. Lines that were never there before and the bags under his eyes that he would have never gotten back on Earth.

Not to mention the scar that stretched across the bridge of his nose.

It took Shiro time to get used to seeing it. It wasn’t just his face, either, but his body. The scars that littered his body had Shiro looking away in shame. It made him wonder if anyone would find him attractive. Comments from his teammates were one thing, committing to him was another thing entirely.

And it _angered_ Shiro to think about that.

They were in the middle of a war and Shiro found himself being fickle and curious about him and his body. Out of all the things he should be thinking about, it shouldn’t be about his appearance and who would be attractive.

The fit and anger that overwhelmed him were meant for a child and Shiro is far too old to be acting like one.

But he did it anyway.

Shiro punched the mirror and it cracked beneath his metal fist. Seeing that was not enough and Shiro punched it again. This time, glass shattered into the sink beneath it. It was a pleasing sight, but it still wasn’t enough. Shiro kept thinking about the slicing pain glass could make when it touched his human flesh.

Shiro continued to punch it until the frame held nothing and the shattered pieces were sitting in the sink. It still wasn’t enough though and he found himself stumbling out of his bathroom. Shiro moved until he hit a button on the wall.

The wardrobe slid out and three mirrors appeared to hover around him.

Shiro clenched both his fists and stared at them. It didn’t take long for him to swing his fists and break apart the glass, tearing them apart from their golden frames.

Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, over and over until the glass was a pile on the floor. Even then, Shiro punched at them until some were fine dust. Blood splattered on the pieces and against the white flooring.

No matter how much pain he was in, no matter how much blood was pouring out of his knuckles, Shiro continued to cause himself pain and destroy something.

Only when the doors to his room swished open did Shiro stop.

He stared at himself in the shards of the mirror that was still intact. Shiro wondered who was the man he was seeing right now. He was a different man before the Kerberos mission. The man he was now wasn’t even a reflection of who he once was.

Shiro wondered at what point did he lose himself.

“Shiro? What are you doing?”

It was that voice that had Shiro’s blood going cold.

Shiro looked at the figure standing in the doorway. Keith stepped forward and the doors closed behind him, darkening the room once more. He did not want anyone to see him like this. Most of all, Shiro didn’t want _Keith_ to see him like this.

Out of everyone on Castle Lion, Keith was the one who knew Shiro before he was launched into space. Keith was aware of all the changes that happened to Shiro, no matter how subtle it was. It didn’t matter if it was physical, emotional, or mental, Keith knew that something was different about him.

And Shiro _hated_ that he knew.

Shiro turned his head away and covered his face with his hands. He did not care about the blood that smeared on his face. He was trying to hide from Keith, not care about how dirty he was getting after taking a shower.

“Shiro, you’re bleeding!” Glass shifted when Keith stepped closer to him, bits breaking beneath his boots. “What happened? What are you _doing_?”

He shied away from Keith’s hands on his shoulders. The glass moved beneath Shiro’s knees, digging through his pants and into his flesh. Shiro could not move further away from him. He didn’t have the energy to stand up and do so. All of it was used up when Shiro decided to fight against his thoughts and hurt himself.

“Please…” Shiro said, his voice a stretch above a whisper. “Don’t look at me… I’m…” He choked on his words. _God_ , his throat was staring to hurt. It tightened and threatened to steal all his breath away. “I’m not the man you remembered before Kerberos… I’m not… I’m not anything like who I was…”

And Shiro wished he could figure out who he was now. The man from the Garrison seemed so far away now. Shiro wondered if he was still that ace pilot the Garrison worshipped or if he had completely been consumed by the murderous champion the Galra made him out to be.

Shiro dared not call himself a paladin when he was feeling this way. When he felt too much like a monster, when Shiro couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror, he never considered himself a paladin of Voltron.

Shiro called himself a monster on days like this.

Shiro’s entire body jumped when Keith placed a hand on his arm. He tried to move further away from him, tried to curl up into a ball and disappear into the shards of glass beneath him. Keith shouldn’t waste his time on someone like him, Shiro thought. There were others on the ship who deserved Keith’s care and attention.

“No…” Keith said. He brushed the back of his hand against Shiro’s exposed bicep, his skin catching on the place where his prosthetic met his arm. “You’re not the man I remember. You’re so much better.”

An emotion burst in Shiro’s chest and the splinters stabbed him until he choked on his breath and sobs. He slowly lifted his face to look at Keith. Shiro wondered if Keith had always looked at him like this, with a look that spoke of a love that stretched across the years. He wondered if Keith looked at him like this back at the Garrison before he was a changed man. Shiro wondered if anyone else in the castle saw this look being sent to him while he ignored it in favor of coming up with fighting strategies.

Keith raised a hand and brushed hair out of his face.

Shiro leaned into his touch when Keith pulled him closer. He couldn’t stop his body from shaking as much as he couldn’t stop his heart from threatening to burst from the overwhelming emotions.

Keith loved him.

At the very least, he knew that Keith loved him.

How much of a monster could Shiro really be?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm insanely in love with an insecure Shiro. Can you tell? ♥
> 
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/val_hellaa)!


End file.
